1.5 days left in this beautiful country. I have lots of mixed feelings about leaving.
I mostly don't want to go home. Is that bad?
I've started making a mental list of the pros and cons of going home:
- Leaving my amazing friends. And I'm not using the word "amazing" lightly here. The work God is doing in the lives of each of these special people is phenomenal. I've made some great friendships here that I hope will continue, even after we've all scattered to the ends of the earth.
- I need more time to practice my Spanish (and keep learning).
- No more Sunshine.
- No more Mangos.
- Or tasty Costa Rican food.
- I won't get coffee every morning, or discuss the news with Abuelita while I eat my breakfast.
- I'm leaving behind a sweet sweet Tica family, and the most protective 3 year old boyfriend I've ever had. He saves me from all sorts of danger around here. :-)
- I probably won't find money on the ground every day anymore.
- No more Chapel services at the Institute.
- No more Colonos de Catan en espanol.
- No more going to the beach on the weekends.
- My grocery store doesn't sell Galletas de Mantequilla. :-(
- I have to go home to all sorts of drama that I really don't want to face again. If only all of my problems would have fixed themselves while I was away!
- I get to see everyone I miss back home.
- I'll have a cellphone again.
- I can eat blueberry pancakes every day if I want to.
- I'll be making money instead of spending it.
- Spring planting will be fast approaching, and I'm itchin' to get in the field again.
- I'll have a piano. In my house. That I can play without the entire school campus having to listen in.
- I'll be able to DRIVE.
- I can eat at Buffalo Wild Wings, and McDonald's has a dollar menu.
- I can make cookies and pie and cinnamon rolls whenever I feel like it. (and even when I don't feel like it, since that's my job, LOL)
- I can eat my normal six tiny meals a day instead of having to eat three giant meals a day.
- Bible Study
- Thursday night Basketball stats!
However, I know I'm supposed to head home now, even if I'm not really ready to go.
I'm trusting God to give me the strength and wisdom to know what to do about my home situation, and grace to love even those who refuse to love me back. It's hard, and the last place on earth I want to be at the moment.
But I am confident that God has more than enough grace to get me through it.
I'm struggling to prioritize, to focus on the One Thing most important and not be distracted by all of these lesser things that threaten to steal my peace and my joy. My problems, no matter how big they seem, should never succeed in stealing away my joy. Having said that, I'm taking a deep breath, praying my heart out, and packing up my things to head home. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!
Please pray for my host family - that they will know the love of Jesus for real, and be set free by the FULL truth of the Gospel. I just found out that my host "mom" has cancer, and is headed for her 4th surgery in the coming weeks, followed by a long hard year of chemo and radiation afterward. These little boys need their Mama, and I believe she's been doing a lot of spiritual seeking. My heart breaks for this family, and I want them to have God's best.
The Dead Cockroach Count in my room is up to six,
and the Colones on the Ground Count is up to 205.
...just fyi. ;-)